So you want me to follow you on Twitter

If you’re looking for the requirements to meet to be followed by me on Twitter, Jump to the list.

I was quite skeptical the first time I heard about Twitter – why the heck should I post messages about my status? And in a super-awful third person fashion, maybe? I mean, I’ve a blog where posting things, I’ve an RSS reader to grab news and infos all around, why getting rid of images, formatting  and whatever number of chars I want? The answer was so simple: damn speed!

Maybe I am misusing the tool, but scrolling my Twitter timeline searching for news and useful links posted by the right people is ways faster than the most advanced RSS reader you can find. And throwing interesting stuffs in a read-it-later bucket with the help of tools like (guess?) Read It Later or Instapaper while browsing the timeline with my smartphone is the definitive weapon: informations at the speed of light.

Now, if you are a famous twitterer and take the tool as an output-only pipe for your thoughts maybe you don’t even read your home timeline. But I’m a complete unknown lurker greedy for useful informations with little to no time to dedicate to the fact you just woke up (and maybe at that time I’ve been working for a couple of hours already but this is another story). You simply mess my timeline, and my timeline must be clean to carry out infos efficiently.

Now the real purpose of this post – during the past months my timeline got really dirty since I happened to use Twitter as a social tool. Wrong! I appreciate you’re following me and surely we could be friend and get out for a beer or two, but if you tweet crap there’s no way I can follow you back.

Here is the requirement list you have to meet (if not the whole, at least the most) to let me follow you, sorry for swearing:

  • Don’t flood in any case. If it’s not your fault, try revoking your auth to some of the dozens third party services you trusted. If you flood on purpose, I hate you.
  • Don’t say ‘morning and don’t whish me a good night. Never.
  • Don’t link your 4square/gowalla/whatever accounts to your Twitter stream. I don’t bother where you are when.
  • Don’t spread your floody bloody fucking Follow Friday messages, nor try to cheat changing the weekday.
  • Don’t thank for RTs – you could break the Twitter with an infinite loop.
  • Don’t copy&paste news from notorious twitterers. If I’m both following you and @hackernewsbot, there can be only one. Guess who.
  • Don’t retweet commercials. I don’t want to win any iCrappy device.
  • Try using DMs instead of chatting with your friends about your own fucking business.
  • Don’t post multiple enigmatic messages about your private life waiting for someone to ask you details. Say what you want or keep it for yourself (better).

I reserve the right to expand this list.

2 thoughts on “So you want me to follow you on Twitter

  1. I gave lists a chance but they only partially mitigate my problems. Maybe Twitter could introduce “filters” (hashtags are not reliable). Or maybe I shouldn’t use Twitter this way 🙂

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